Self-care during hard times doesn’t look like a candle and a bubble bath. Some seasons, it barely looks like self-care at all — it looks like survival with your sanity mostly intact.
I talk a lot about work-life balance on this newsletter and on The Wholistic Productivity Podcast. Professional goals, personal goals, purpose-driven goals — my whole “three pillars” thing. People hear the word balance and picture a pie chart with three neat, equal slices. A little exercise, a little family time, a little side project, garnished with something Instagram-worthy.
That’s not actually what balance is. And I’ve spent the last eleven months learning that the hard way.
What Self-Care During Hard Times Actually Means
For the last eleven months, my family has been dealing with a stubborn infection that just won’t quit. My son has been in and out of the hospital fighting something we can’t seem to fully knock out. If you listen to the podcast, you’ve probably heard me mention it. It’s been long, it’s been scary, and it’s taken a toll on everyone in this house.
We’re finally seeing real improvement recently. We’re not out of the woods yet, but we can see the tree line.
Here’s what nobody tells you about a season like this: balance doesn’t disappear. It just changes shape completely.
Fair Doesn’t Mean Equal — And Neither Does Balance
I’ve missed a lot of work this year. Projects push a day or two here, a week here, and even forgotten all together. Content calendars ignored for weeks at a time. On the personal side, I’ve missed runs and had to put training hold several times. Races that were already scheduled suffering as a result.
On the purpose-project side of things, there are podcast episodes I wanted to record and a planner launch that hasn’t happened yet. I’ve got a whole folder in my mind where I’m mentally filing things under, “later, I promise.” A year ago, if you’d told me I’d let that much slide, I would have laughed. Or cried a little. Possibly both, at the same time.
And yet — this still counts as balance.
If you’ve ever parented more than one kid, you already know that fair doesn’t mean equal. One kid needs more of your time and attention this week. Next month, it might be the other one. Nobody accuses you of failing at parenting because you didn’t split your attention exactly down the middle in every given hour. You’re responding to what’s actually happening in front of you, not following a formula on a whiteboard.
Your time works the same way. Some seasons ask everything of one part of your life and almost nothing from the rest. That’s not you failing at work-life balance. That’s you doing it exactly right.
Letting Something Go Isn’t the Same as Giving Up
Self-care gets a similar makeover during a rough season. It’s not a spa day. It’s not “treat yourself” energy, however well-deserved that is in normal times. Sometimes self-care is showing up to a hospital hallway, holding it together for one more hour, and quietly calling that a win.
Sometimes it’s just making it to bedtime with your sanity roughly intact. That still counts. Honestly, it might be the truest form of self-care there is — not something extra you add on top of a full life, but something that helps you survive the life you’ve currently got.
Here’s where a lot of us get stuck. We let something go because we have to, and then feel guilty about it. We tell ourselves we’re “off track,” or “behind,” or — my personal favorite flavor of self-inflicted guilt — “not balanced.” As if putting your kid first while your business idles for a while is some kind of character flaw.
It isn’t. It’s the opposite of one.
If you’re in a rough season right now — health, family, or something else entirely — and you’ve had to set something down, hear this clearly: letting something go temporarily is not the same as abandoning it forever. It’s a pause, not a verdict.
The version of you who wants to write that book or finally launch that new offer is still in there. They’re just waiting their turn, and they’re patient about it, because right now, they have to be.
This Season Will End — The Rest Will Still Be There
Someday, this particular chapter closes. When it does, the things you set aside will still be waiting, ready to pick back up right where you left them, dust included.
Until then, do yourself a favor and stop grading your balance against a season you aren’t currently living in. You don’t need three perfectly equal pillars this week. You need one pillar sturdy enough to hold you up, and permission to let the others lean against the wall for a while.
Consider that permission granted — not by me, but by the simple fact that you’re a person going through something hard, and that’s reason enough.
Dream big. Plan smart. Live fully. And when life demands it, let some things wait. That’s not you failing at the plan. That’s the plan working exactly the way it’s supposed to.